Oooh Baby I Like It Raw

Just to let the small handful of people who read this blog know, this will be the last post or until the next time I do the Master Cleanse again. I am honestly pondering the idea of doing a cleanse once a year possibly after the new year to start the year off right. We'll see.

Started the day off with some Kashi and almond milk followed by a delicious cup of coffee with brown sugar and half&half. Grapes as a mid day snack and the some more guacamole and chips as a lunch. For dinner I went to Cafe Soulstice with DL, KA & CH (all names hidden to protect the innocent). Housed inside an upscale gym called Equinox, Cafe Soulstice serves raw foods for folks into raw foods and veganism. It was an experience. I had the faux salmon nori rolls and they were good, and fairly filling. I also ordered the Moroccan quinoa but was unable to really eat it since I was absolutely fascinated with a delicious raw chocolate pudding. This pudding is freaking fabulous and I don't drop that word often in describing foods. Soon after we finished off dinner with some frozen yogurt at Harmony. Much better than PinkBerry. I was full from dinner which would have amounted to nothing but an appetizer prior to my cleanse. Somewhat emasculating but whatever.

As I sit and ponder about my experience with the cleanse over some beef jerky and my first bit of alcohol in over 3 weeks, I must say that this Heinekin is soooooo good and I don't even like Heinekin! I will probably have another beer and a glass of scotch whiskey to make sure I am good to go with problematic drinking that plagued me prior to cleansing.

So about the reflections of the cleanse, it took some will power and determination but I think everybody can do it! Not to drop mad propaganda on your ass but it seems to have helped me in appreciating food and how you treat your body. Not to say I won't continue to drink booze but knowing a cleanse is only a few lemons, some maple syrup and cayenne pepper away, it makes things a little better.

Some things I hope to continue to do now that I will embarking on an adventure filled with bbq ribs, carnitas burritos, pepperoni pizza and pho with brisket and rare steak...
- eat healthier
- eat slower, chew and savor flavours
- eat smaller portions
- continue to exercise
- improve my grammar

I lost a total of 14lbs and hope to get back to my college days when I weighed in at about 175~185lbs, only another 10lbs to go! Yeah right! Perhaps another marathon is in order, Napa Wine Country Marathon, anybody down for this?

So with that I'd like to thank everyone who was extremely supportive while I was cleansing it is/was very appreciated.

Till next time.

Optimash Prime Mr. Potato Head

This is the 5th day of my come down. Nothing major to report. I had some coffee and it passed through my system well. I also had some more Kashi, some grapes, a white peach that took me over an hour to finish, more guacamole and chips, guava juice and some rice cake soup that my mom made in the evening for me. I know I was supposed to get veggie soup but opted for the rice cake soup with beef. It took me about an hour to finish the bowl, definitely 40 more minutes I would normally take.

Vacuumed my apartment and also played basketball. No loss of stamina or endurance whatsoever.
I don't know how much longer I will continue to blog but I will keep this up for any one who wants to refer back to this as a resource or cite me in an academic paper of sorts.

Sound Of The Police

Had sweet glorious coffee this morning. Oh how it feels to wake up, grind some fresh beans and slowly percolate the rich nectar of the gods. As stupendous as it tasted it did a number to my system. I had the senna tea the previous night so I had a very solid elimination but the combination of the half&half and brown sugar in the coffee turned my stomach upside down. I had slight cramping and a few more movements but besides that I was fine. Thank god I spent the morning working from home.

Had some Kashi with almond milk, mangoes, a white peach, plenty of water, some orange juice, more guacamole and chips and a veggie sandwich from Raley's. That was one pretty good and filling veggie sandwich. Whole wheat, avocado, artichoke spread, spring greens, tomato, onions, pickles and harvati cheese! Delicious.

My tongue is slowly getting back to normal and so is my breath. I plan on eating some pho tomorrow, probably veggie pho from Tofoo Com Chay. Any takers?

Corolla Motorola Holder

Oh what joy! Woke up this morning without any urge to defecate. I will have the senna tea this evening and a salt water flush tomorrow morning to get some relief on the downlow.

Anyways, woke up and had some orange juice. No problems. Then proceeded to eat some delicious seedless grapes while I worked. Still no problems. Come the afternoon I busted out the mango I cut up the night before and that's when the gurgling started. I had some pretty bad gas. Like death gas. Like excuse me while I go outside and fart gas! Tear gas! Flatulence is no joke.

Throughout the day I dreamed of the veggie soup I made the night before, too bad that dream was short lived as the soup tasted like utter ass. I tried to have about a cup of soup with some potatoes, onions, carrots and celery but it just became too difficult to do. Instead I went to Whole Foods and bought some tortilla chips, went home and whipped up some guacamole. As my girl Rachel Ray would say, 'YUM'! I had about an avocado's worth of guacamole. I will have a white peach later and call it day. My gas seems to have subsided. I think a good elimination will help in that department as well as continuing with the probiotics.

I may have some coffee tomorrow morning. Oh how I miss it.

Did I mention that I am sick of orange juice and that I lost a total of about 14lbs?

Lettuce Entertain You

The second day of the come down, pretty lazy Sunday.

Had some more orange juice this morning and had a grapefruit too. The grapefruit was delicious and surprisingly filling. No signs of gas or bloating whatsoever.

Went over to my parents house to change the oil to my car and my dads car, did get a bit light headed but that was remedied with a swig of more orange juice. Ate another grapefruit for lunch too. I'm sick of grapefruit. As an added bonus I ate 2 leaves of romaine lettuce. It was very bitter and made my white tongue very green. I chewed some gum thereafter.

For dinner, some more orange juice and a handful of California grapes. I really wanted to eat the vegetable soup I prepared for lunch tomorrow but resisted to slow things down.

Nothing else major to report, I didn't have the senna tea last night or the salt water flush this morning so no bowel movements.

I do not want to be full of shit.

Rhymes With Orange

Woke up this morning at 6am to take a dump but clenched my cheeks and finished my salt water flush before eliminating which I think took some serious ass muscles to do. As I sat on the loo, I really pondered whether or not I should extend my cleanse a few more days to really get down and deep with the cleansing but after remembering that I was out of lemons I decided today would be as good a day as any to end the cleanse.

The rest of the morning was spent urinating out my ass two times and making some fresh squeezed orange juice. I bought 9lbs of valencia oranges (approximately 23 oranges) and made roughly about a quart of OJ which I then diluted with a quart of water. I then proceeded to drink the half gallon throughout the day along with some probiotics. I must say that I felt weaker today than I did any other day of the cleanse. Something to be said about the nutritional value of grade B maple syrup and lemons.

Made a few stops for some groceries around midday. Bought ingredients for what looks to be an awesome vegetable soup(not!) for Monday and stuff for after the come down. Fresh guacamole, salsa and hummus is in my future!!! I already picked up some succulent fruits on Friday, mangoes, grapes, grapefruits, white peaches and a cantaloupe. The thought of chewing excites me.

Besides the brief shopping trip this afternoon I spent the day watching the Wire season 4 online as well as Hot Fuzz and Silver Surfer. Then it was Rocky 2 in espanol on Unavision, aye carumba.

Like Stringer Bell says, when you do the cleanse, you do 2 days! The day you get in and the day you get out.

Day 10 - Who Let The Dogs Out

I'm speechless. Today is my last day. I come off this wild ride tomorrow morning. I really don't know what to say. It's a real odd feeling, I really had my doubts on being able to finish the cleanse, at this point I could possibly go on for a few more days even but the thought of eating some homemade salsa and guacamole sounds just too good. I'm pretty nervous at this point. There are a lot of questions that I have about how my body will react to solids again, as well as coffee and booze. I have that same feeling I had the days before leading up to the cleanse, the apprehension, the jitters. Yikes.

I didn't have the senna tea last the night, but did wake up early enough to take the salt water flush and had 2 eliminations. It felt good to sleep 6 straight hours too bad I had an incredible craving while picking up donuts for my volunteers at work this morning. Jelly filled, glazed, old fashion, cake, crullers oh my! Thank goodness for 64oz of lemonade and a little nappy nap after work. Still feel great and at this point am just counting down to drinking some fresh squeezed orange juice for an entire.

So tonite I will spend it reflecting the past 10days, pray my tongue and breath are restored to normal, drink senna tea, watch Spiderman 3 on the interwebs and search airfare, hotels and rental cars for a family vacation to Vancouver at the end of the month.

Day 9 - I Am Nebulous

When did those edible arrangements become so popular? Now if they could make one out of various meats that would be outrageous. Like lilac steaks, chicken roses, daisy porkchops, morning breath bacon etc... Only a few more days before solids, I feel like a baby sucking at the teat and will soon be introduced to creamed potatoes or something. Crawl before you ball I suppose.

This is day 9. Feel pretty great even though I woke up again at 3am to eliminate. I have been catching the tail end of the Giants midnight replay the past few nights. Imagine sitting on the can listening to the dulcet tones of Jon Miller, Dave Fleming, Duane Kuiper & Mike Krukow. Go Giants! Anyways, this time around I got right back to sleep easily and woke up early enough to do my salt water flush. After a few butt pisses I was on my way. A full workday, 64oz of lemonade and a 4 mile run later, I'm feeling stupendous.

Whats got me through this is knowing that Beyonce Knowles also did the master cleanse. Just picture Beyonce drinking senna tea and waking up in the middle of the night to take a crap! Hilarious! Also picture a Beyonce in a flowing red carpet gown doing the salt water flush and running to the restroom to take butt pisses! HAHAHA!!! If celebrities can do it why not us 'normal' folks? No personal assistant can make the process any easier and those celebs are mostly bitches anyways! What a relief.

Another observation I've made is that I have super smelling capabilities. Like super powers. Super mutant genetically engineered powers. There is a stretch on highway 880 southbound between the Brokaw Road exit and the highway 101 junction that smells like the inside of a Togo's. This also means that the stretch of 880 past the McCarthy Ranch into Milpitas smells even worse than the dump that it is. So yeah, super powers. Too bad having the super power of smell pretty much puts me at the bottom of the super hero totem pole. If I were in a super hero super group like the SuperFriends I would be Aquaman. Totally the weakest link, the ability to talk to sea horses???

I won't be taking the senna tea this evening in the hope that I can get more than 4 hours of straight sleep. Salt water flush is a must however, either or.

Todays cravings, Vietnamese spring rolls, a spicy peanut sauce, baked macaroni and asparagus.

Day 8 - How Did You Get In Them Jeans

My day started at 3am again, I woke up with urges. 2 urges to be exact. I am beginning to think that I may be steeping the senna Smooth Move tea bags a bit too long hence the powerful effects on my colon. Anyways, even after 8 days there is still solid matter!!! How is this possible? I know it's 3am but I get oddly excited that my body is purging whatever it is that may be lining my large and small intestines. I wasn't able to get back to sleep afterwards for a few hours and by the time I did get some additional shut eye it was time to get up. *sigh* Could sure use a night of solid 8 hours of sleep but I will say that I didn't feel any adverse effects today or yesterday.

After the 2 movements I decided not to do the salt water flush, I was running a tad late as my morning work schedule required me to get to work earlier than usual (7:30am) and besides I was going to be on a school bus on my way to the San Francisco Zoo and didn't want to get caught with the runny runs. The zoo is free on the first day of each month and there were a ton of folks taking advantage of it. They estimate about 20,000 people. WOW! And you know where you could tell there were 20,000 large? You guessed it, right in the heart of the bathroom!!! I think there is approximately 1 restroom in the whole damn zoo! Absolutely disgusting. I am almost certain that the pachyderms also used it. I know I'm ummm eliminating a whole lot these days but I have the decency to clean my toilet on a bi-daily basis. Thank you Toilet Duck!

Being out and about all day I only drank 56oz of the lemonade, I did have lots of cravings too. The zoo serves garlic fries, ribs, chicken fingers, large turkey drumsticks and they even have a taco stand!!! If I weren't on the cleanse I may have had all of it! Oh how I can't wait to eat.

It was a solid day, I had a surprise elimination around 6pm. Any elimination besides the one's caused by the senna and salt water flush is like icing on the cake. A cake made of feces with the icing made of feces as well. This particular movement packed some heat, moreso than the ones I've been having. This may be due to my increased cayenne intake, hooray!

My tongue is also still pretty gross. My teeth feel like they have a thin film on them as well, I hope this passes soon as it puts a big damper on my mack-hand. HA!

This is friggin day 8!!! Still surreal and unbelievable.

p.s.
Check out this youtube video parody of Justin Timberlake's 'SexyBack' called 'Nasty Crap'.