Oooh Baby I Like It Raw

Just to let the small handful of people who read this blog know, this will be the last post or until the next time I do the Master Cleanse again. I am honestly pondering the idea of doing a cleanse once a year possibly after the new year to start the year off right. We'll see.

Started the day off with some Kashi and almond milk followed by a delicious cup of coffee with brown sugar and half&half. Grapes as a mid day snack and the some more guacamole and chips as a lunch. For dinner I went to Cafe Soulstice with DL, KA & CH (all names hidden to protect the innocent). Housed inside an upscale gym called Equinox, Cafe Soulstice serves raw foods for folks into raw foods and veganism. It was an experience. I had the faux salmon nori rolls and they were good, and fairly filling. I also ordered the Moroccan quinoa but was unable to really eat it since I was absolutely fascinated with a delicious raw chocolate pudding. This pudding is freaking fabulous and I don't drop that word often in describing foods. Soon after we finished off dinner with some frozen yogurt at Harmony. Much better than PinkBerry. I was full from dinner which would have amounted to nothing but an appetizer prior to my cleanse. Somewhat emasculating but whatever.

As I sit and ponder about my experience with the cleanse over some beef jerky and my first bit of alcohol in over 3 weeks, I must say that this Heinekin is soooooo good and I don't even like Heinekin! I will probably have another beer and a glass of scotch whiskey to make sure I am good to go with problematic drinking that plagued me prior to cleansing.

So about the reflections of the cleanse, it took some will power and determination but I think everybody can do it! Not to drop mad propaganda on your ass but it seems to have helped me in appreciating food and how you treat your body. Not to say I won't continue to drink booze but knowing a cleanse is only a few lemons, some maple syrup and cayenne pepper away, it makes things a little better.

Some things I hope to continue to do now that I will embarking on an adventure filled with bbq ribs, carnitas burritos, pepperoni pizza and pho with brisket and rare steak...
- eat healthier
- eat slower, chew and savor flavours
- eat smaller portions
- continue to exercise
- improve my grammar

I lost a total of 14lbs and hope to get back to my college days when I weighed in at about 175~185lbs, only another 10lbs to go! Yeah right! Perhaps another marathon is in order, Napa Wine Country Marathon, anybody down for this?

So with that I'd like to thank everyone who was extremely supportive while I was cleansing it is/was very appreciated.

Till next time.

Optimash Prime Mr. Potato Head

This is the 5th day of my come down. Nothing major to report. I had some coffee and it passed through my system well. I also had some more Kashi, some grapes, a white peach that took me over an hour to finish, more guacamole and chips, guava juice and some rice cake soup that my mom made in the evening for me. I know I was supposed to get veggie soup but opted for the rice cake soup with beef. It took me about an hour to finish the bowl, definitely 40 more minutes I would normally take.

Vacuumed my apartment and also played basketball. No loss of stamina or endurance whatsoever.
I don't know how much longer I will continue to blog but I will keep this up for any one who wants to refer back to this as a resource or cite me in an academic paper of sorts.

Sound Of The Police

Had sweet glorious coffee this morning. Oh how it feels to wake up, grind some fresh beans and slowly percolate the rich nectar of the gods. As stupendous as it tasted it did a number to my system. I had the senna tea the previous night so I had a very solid elimination but the combination of the half&half and brown sugar in the coffee turned my stomach upside down. I had slight cramping and a few more movements but besides that I was fine. Thank god I spent the morning working from home.

Had some Kashi with almond milk, mangoes, a white peach, plenty of water, some orange juice, more guacamole and chips and a veggie sandwich from Raley's. That was one pretty good and filling veggie sandwich. Whole wheat, avocado, artichoke spread, spring greens, tomato, onions, pickles and harvati cheese! Delicious.

My tongue is slowly getting back to normal and so is my breath. I plan on eating some pho tomorrow, probably veggie pho from Tofoo Com Chay. Any takers?

Corolla Motorola Holder

Oh what joy! Woke up this morning without any urge to defecate. I will have the senna tea this evening and a salt water flush tomorrow morning to get some relief on the downlow.

Anyways, woke up and had some orange juice. No problems. Then proceeded to eat some delicious seedless grapes while I worked. Still no problems. Come the afternoon I busted out the mango I cut up the night before and that's when the gurgling started. I had some pretty bad gas. Like death gas. Like excuse me while I go outside and fart gas! Tear gas! Flatulence is no joke.

Throughout the day I dreamed of the veggie soup I made the night before, too bad that dream was short lived as the soup tasted like utter ass. I tried to have about a cup of soup with some potatoes, onions, carrots and celery but it just became too difficult to do. Instead I went to Whole Foods and bought some tortilla chips, went home and whipped up some guacamole. As my girl Rachel Ray would say, 'YUM'! I had about an avocado's worth of guacamole. I will have a white peach later and call it day. My gas seems to have subsided. I think a good elimination will help in that department as well as continuing with the probiotics.

I may have some coffee tomorrow morning. Oh how I miss it.

Did I mention that I am sick of orange juice and that I lost a total of about 14lbs?

Lettuce Entertain You

The second day of the come down, pretty lazy Sunday.

Had some more orange juice this morning and had a grapefruit too. The grapefruit was delicious and surprisingly filling. No signs of gas or bloating whatsoever.

Went over to my parents house to change the oil to my car and my dads car, did get a bit light headed but that was remedied with a swig of more orange juice. Ate another grapefruit for lunch too. I'm sick of grapefruit. As an added bonus I ate 2 leaves of romaine lettuce. It was very bitter and made my white tongue very green. I chewed some gum thereafter.

For dinner, some more orange juice and a handful of California grapes. I really wanted to eat the vegetable soup I prepared for lunch tomorrow but resisted to slow things down.

Nothing else major to report, I didn't have the senna tea last night or the salt water flush this morning so no bowel movements.

I do not want to be full of shit.

Rhymes With Orange

Woke up this morning at 6am to take a dump but clenched my cheeks and finished my salt water flush before eliminating which I think took some serious ass muscles to do. As I sat on the loo, I really pondered whether or not I should extend my cleanse a few more days to really get down and deep with the cleansing but after remembering that I was out of lemons I decided today would be as good a day as any to end the cleanse.

The rest of the morning was spent urinating out my ass two times and making some fresh squeezed orange juice. I bought 9lbs of valencia oranges (approximately 23 oranges) and made roughly about a quart of OJ which I then diluted with a quart of water. I then proceeded to drink the half gallon throughout the day along with some probiotics. I must say that I felt weaker today than I did any other day of the cleanse. Something to be said about the nutritional value of grade B maple syrup and lemons.

Made a few stops for some groceries around midday. Bought ingredients for what looks to be an awesome vegetable soup(not!) for Monday and stuff for after the come down. Fresh guacamole, salsa and hummus is in my future!!! I already picked up some succulent fruits on Friday, mangoes, grapes, grapefruits, white peaches and a cantaloupe. The thought of chewing excites me.

Besides the brief shopping trip this afternoon I spent the day watching the Wire season 4 online as well as Hot Fuzz and Silver Surfer. Then it was Rocky 2 in espanol on Unavision, aye carumba.

Like Stringer Bell says, when you do the cleanse, you do 2 days! The day you get in and the day you get out.

Day 10 - Who Let The Dogs Out

I'm speechless. Today is my last day. I come off this wild ride tomorrow morning. I really don't know what to say. It's a real odd feeling, I really had my doubts on being able to finish the cleanse, at this point I could possibly go on for a few more days even but the thought of eating some homemade salsa and guacamole sounds just too good. I'm pretty nervous at this point. There are a lot of questions that I have about how my body will react to solids again, as well as coffee and booze. I have that same feeling I had the days before leading up to the cleanse, the apprehension, the jitters. Yikes.

I didn't have the senna tea last the night, but did wake up early enough to take the salt water flush and had 2 eliminations. It felt good to sleep 6 straight hours too bad I had an incredible craving while picking up donuts for my volunteers at work this morning. Jelly filled, glazed, old fashion, cake, crullers oh my! Thank goodness for 64oz of lemonade and a little nappy nap after work. Still feel great and at this point am just counting down to drinking some fresh squeezed orange juice for an entire.

So tonite I will spend it reflecting the past 10days, pray my tongue and breath are restored to normal, drink senna tea, watch Spiderman 3 on the interwebs and search airfare, hotels and rental cars for a family vacation to Vancouver at the end of the month.

Day 9 - I Am Nebulous

When did those edible arrangements become so popular? Now if they could make one out of various meats that would be outrageous. Like lilac steaks, chicken roses, daisy porkchops, morning breath bacon etc... Only a few more days before solids, I feel like a baby sucking at the teat and will soon be introduced to creamed potatoes or something. Crawl before you ball I suppose.

This is day 9. Feel pretty great even though I woke up again at 3am to eliminate. I have been catching the tail end of the Giants midnight replay the past few nights. Imagine sitting on the can listening to the dulcet tones of Jon Miller, Dave Fleming, Duane Kuiper & Mike Krukow. Go Giants! Anyways, this time around I got right back to sleep easily and woke up early enough to do my salt water flush. After a few butt pisses I was on my way. A full workday, 64oz of lemonade and a 4 mile run later, I'm feeling stupendous.

Whats got me through this is knowing that Beyonce Knowles also did the master cleanse. Just picture Beyonce drinking senna tea and waking up in the middle of the night to take a crap! Hilarious! Also picture a Beyonce in a flowing red carpet gown doing the salt water flush and running to the restroom to take butt pisses! HAHAHA!!! If celebrities can do it why not us 'normal' folks? No personal assistant can make the process any easier and those celebs are mostly bitches anyways! What a relief.

Another observation I've made is that I have super smelling capabilities. Like super powers. Super mutant genetically engineered powers. There is a stretch on highway 880 southbound between the Brokaw Road exit and the highway 101 junction that smells like the inside of a Togo's. This also means that the stretch of 880 past the McCarthy Ranch into Milpitas smells even worse than the dump that it is. So yeah, super powers. Too bad having the super power of smell pretty much puts me at the bottom of the super hero totem pole. If I were in a super hero super group like the SuperFriends I would be Aquaman. Totally the weakest link, the ability to talk to sea horses???

I won't be taking the senna tea this evening in the hope that I can get more than 4 hours of straight sleep. Salt water flush is a must however, either or.

Todays cravings, Vietnamese spring rolls, a spicy peanut sauce, baked macaroni and asparagus.

Day 8 - How Did You Get In Them Jeans

My day started at 3am again, I woke up with urges. 2 urges to be exact. I am beginning to think that I may be steeping the senna Smooth Move tea bags a bit too long hence the powerful effects on my colon. Anyways, even after 8 days there is still solid matter!!! How is this possible? I know it's 3am but I get oddly excited that my body is purging whatever it is that may be lining my large and small intestines. I wasn't able to get back to sleep afterwards for a few hours and by the time I did get some additional shut eye it was time to get up. *sigh* Could sure use a night of solid 8 hours of sleep but I will say that I didn't feel any adverse effects today or yesterday.

After the 2 movements I decided not to do the salt water flush, I was running a tad late as my morning work schedule required me to get to work earlier than usual (7:30am) and besides I was going to be on a school bus on my way to the San Francisco Zoo and didn't want to get caught with the runny runs. The zoo is free on the first day of each month and there were a ton of folks taking advantage of it. They estimate about 20,000 people. WOW! And you know where you could tell there were 20,000 large? You guessed it, right in the heart of the bathroom!!! I think there is approximately 1 restroom in the whole damn zoo! Absolutely disgusting. I am almost certain that the pachyderms also used it. I know I'm ummm eliminating a whole lot these days but I have the decency to clean my toilet on a bi-daily basis. Thank you Toilet Duck!

Being out and about all day I only drank 56oz of the lemonade, I did have lots of cravings too. The zoo serves garlic fries, ribs, chicken fingers, large turkey drumsticks and they even have a taco stand!!! If I weren't on the cleanse I may have had all of it! Oh how I can't wait to eat.

It was a solid day, I had a surprise elimination around 6pm. Any elimination besides the one's caused by the senna and salt water flush is like icing on the cake. A cake made of feces with the icing made of feces as well. This particular movement packed some heat, moreso than the ones I've been having. This may be due to my increased cayenne intake, hooray!

My tongue is also still pretty gross. My teeth feel like they have a thin film on them as well, I hope this passes soon as it puts a big damper on my mack-hand. HA!

This is friggin day 8!!! Still surreal and unbelievable.

p.s.
Check out this youtube video parody of Justin Timberlake's 'SexyBack' called 'Nasty Crap'.

Day 7 - I Made Drinks To Drink, I Drunk Them

This whole master cleansing process is absolutely surreal! I am on day 7 and am still alive. Surely, tipping the scales at 200lbs I would have at least fainted or eaten my arm by now. I feel pretty fantastic, looking back at the first 4 days and in comparison I will say that those were the hardest, not overtly difficult but adjusting to a liquid diet was hard. At this point, waking up and drinking the salt water flush is like second nature. Making the days lemonade has replaced my daily ritual of grinding coffee beans and making coffee. Drinking the lemonade instead of eating my meals is strangely satisfying now. The hardest part of my day has to be drinking the 32oz of salt water flush. It's like drinking in ocean. Seriously, like getting caught in a riptide and having sea water flushed into your mouth.

Felt pretty good so I went for a bike ride after work, about 15 miles down to the Rose Garden and Willow Glen area, it was relaxing to get some sun and some exercise again. During my ride I thought about all the places I wanted to eat once my cleanse is over, I may even take time off from work to dedicate a few days towards eating exclusively. Of course it'll be in small portions, eaten slowly and savored for its deliciousness, too bad it wont be until next Tuesday at the earliest. I sure pray that my digestive system accepts eating and food and doesn't give me any problems. Until then I will continue to visit food blogs and make believe.

Today I finished 70oz of the lemonade and plenty of water. Can't wait for my senna laxative tea tonite. My tea at night has become almost like a dessert as it tastes like chocolate, one of the few things i look forward too each and every day! Keep your fingers/legs crossed that I pass some hellacious shit tomorrow morning. That would be awesome! I will be going to the San Francisco Zoo and I'm stoked for that as it will keep me pretty busy, will the white tigers be there? We shall see!

Day 6 - If You're Not First You're Last

Woke up at 3am to take a dump. That senna tea is working a little too well, I guess I went to bed a bit to early the night before (10am) and the senna gets to working in 6-8 hours. Afterwards I ended up tossing and turning for a few hours before getting back to sleep and then waking up at 7am thus leaving me to 'work' from home while i wait for my 3 elimination. I left for work without having the third and took an extra pair of pants and undies just in case I get caught in the car. I live on the edge.

Most of the day went fairly well, no major urges to eat, I kept myself busy and trying to stay cool, strangely hot in a strangely unseasonal summer. Today went so well in fact that I went and ran 3 miles on the track and walked 1 while I looked at girls and this dude who had a handlebar tattoo (wtf?). Downed a good 72oz of the lemonade, I went with the extra 12oz since I didn't want to die on the track.

I really can not believe I am finishing with day 6 which leaves me only 4 more days of lemonade and 4 days of itty bitty eating, I'm already planning my meals once I'm done with everything, it may be legendary, so if you're down for some serious eaterage holler at your boy! Surprisingly being without food has not left me with a short temper. Usually, I get cranky when I'm hungry but the mental clarity that this cleanse has provided is doing wonders. I would have had a burger from Slider's today after someone mentioned that it was owned by my peoples.

Day 7 here I come!

Day 5 - You Don't Know The Half

When I was at Trader Joe's the other day this is what transpired...
Cashier: Hello! How are you doing?
Me: (mumbling to avoid breath-age) Hi, good.
Cashier: Sure is a lot of lemons. Making lemonade?
Me: Err yeah something like that.

When I was at Whole Foods buying my one single item, the laxative tea...
Cashier: I can help you right here. Hi, how's your day been going? (staring at my laxative tea and looking at me)
Me: Good, thanks. (feeling his stare and trying not to make eye contact)
Cashier: Will that be it?
Me: Yup.

When I was at Trader Joe's getting my re-up on grade B maple syrup...
Cashier: Hi, how's it going?
Me: Good, thanks.
Cashier: Just the syrup?
Me: Yeah, I like pancakes.
Cashier: Me too!
Me: Thanks.

Slept in this morning for the first time since I've started the cleanse, except for waking up at 5am to take a dump I was able to sleep in til about 10am. That dump I took was solid, as in there were some solids!!! Did the salt water flush later and took a piss through my butt. Besides the early morning dump, today has been fairly uneventful. Drank about 64oz of the lemonade and bought what might be the last batch of maple syrup and lemons for the remainder of the cleanse which will conclude on Friday. Whoa.

I really can't believe that I am halfway through this cleanse. As I told some folks, if someone offered me $1000 to break my cleanse I wouldn't do it. For the past 5 days I've been reassessing the way I've been eating and hopefully this will help to break some bad habits. No more eating an entire package of thick cut applewood bacon, eating an entire bag of kettle chips, or my 'No Food Left Behind' motto when it comes to eating out. Sigh. I would have had an enormous Korean meal today as it is Sunday and I usually go home to my parents house.

Felt good today, got a workweek ahead of me so we shall see. 5 days left, cleanse or burst!

Day 4 - Where's The Beef?

Goodness. Today has been the toughest day of all. Started my day as usual with my salt water flush and didn't have that awesome mucus dump I had hoped for. Woke up early actually cause I wanted to go movie-hopping, starting with the Simpsons movie (Awesome!!!), then to Transformers (Solid), and lastly to Chuck & Larry (Mad funny!). Started at around 11am and ended at about 5pm and during the whole day I might have felt sick to my stomach a few times and all I did was sit and watch movies. I had plenty of the lemonade and water, 60oz to be exact.

Hopefully today will be as bad as it gets. I had some major hunger pangs, some slight nausea, minor aches and had a bowel movement at around 8pm (odd). The thought of 10 whole days really being 13 since the last 3 days are spent drinking orange juice (day 11), eating a vegetable soup (day 12) and then finally eating/nibbling on fruit (day 13) is really intimidating now. I suppose it's like running a marathon, hard as fuck! You just have to focus on little goals/distances, instead of looking at the whole 10 days, just look at getting through the day.

I've had dreams of accidentally breaking the cleanse almost daily. These dreams find myself in really strange situations and with the most random of people. I think I would have had a falafel or maybe a chicken shawarma today. I'm hoping to go to bed early and sleeping in late tomorrow, I think having to wake up early to have my salt water flush has affected how I'm feeling now. Ugh.

Day 3 - By The Power Of Grayskul

Woke up this morning and drank roughly 28oz of the salt water flush. Tried to hold it in as best I could and let go what was to be the most inspirational turd I have ever eliminated! After 2 days of no food and no miracle turds, I have to say my faith in the cleanse was wavering, but this mornings movement was incredible to say the least. I want to say it was mucous but I am not certain. It definitely was not liquid, it floated on the top unlike any liquid and was flushed down unlike any liquid. After that movement I had 2 more eliminations that can be best described as butt piss. You can draw your own pictures.

Seriously, straight the f*ck up!!! I was stoked this morning. Went into work with the intent of working a half day and going home to take a nice nap. Ended up having a fairly productive day and going home only to go bike riding with the homeboy for about 15miles. It was nice to get a sweat going and being out in the sun. Then it kind of hit me, that all encompassing tiredness. When I got home, drank some more lemonade, took a shower, went to buy some more lemons and felt much better. I didn't want to nap as I wanted to be able to sleep early (before midnight) so I can be well rested for Saturdays movie marathon at the theatres.

Drank 64oz of the lemonade today and plenty of water. I think I would have had a couple of corn dogs and a side of onion rings for lunch today, that would have been awesome. Loads of ketchup/catsup and some ranch dressing for a dipping sauce. That would be stupendous.

Folks have said that the first 3-4 days were the worst, I feel pretty solid, if I keep having those mucous eliminations I may never stop the cleanse!

Day 2 - Smell My Breath

I woke up this morning feeling fairly good, as good as one could feel waking up 2 hours earlier to do the salt water flush. I also looked pretty friggin cut! I know it's entirely water weight but it was fun checking out my guns and doing my best Hulk Hogan. Anyways, this mornings salt water flush went well. I already had butt rumbles the minute I woke up so the flush compounded matters pretty bad, I tried to hold it in but ended up running to the bathroom before ruining my fruitofthelooms. After 3 movements I was done. 3 faucet like movements, eliminating what looked like colourful butt piss, it was basically water really.

For the most part I felt pretty damn good. I went to work for about 5 hours and felt good except for a moment where I got winded pretty fast after moving some boxes. Everybody at work didn't notice anything odd about my behaviour considering I'd been without food, delicious, glorious food for the past 48 hours. I think I would have had a burrito today. Carne Asada with a carnitas taco on the side, chips and a whole lot of salsa maybe even a horchata too.

After a quick stop for some more lemons, a dvd twin pack (Raising Arizona & Fargo) I got home and took a nap. When I woke up I must say that I felt like crap. A little dizzy and disoriented, the lemonade helped a bit and I was back to sitting around on the computer and watching television.

So far so good. I haven't had any crazy eliminations, I was hoping for some flaming hot turds to shoot out like gangbusters but I will be patient and perhaps up the cayenne pepper to shock the mucus lining in my system. Did I mention that my mouth feels like ass? I have got the coating on my tongue and it tastes like ass.

Also, I found out today that I won a free meal at IHOP for me and 15 people for dropping my business card into one of those fishbowls. Could this have come at a worse time? I don't know the exact details of my winnings but will find out tomorrow.

Drinking the senna laxitive tea is a welcome treat, it tastes like chocolate. *Sigh* I have to go into work on Friday, this might prove to be difficult. We shall see.

Day 1 - Ready Or Not

Shit is on. Woke up this morning pretty excited, I may have still been happy over the previous nights meals. Too bad that excitement was short lived as the process of making my salt water flush deadened any good feelings I may have had. The instructions calls for 32oz of the flush to be made and drunk, I was able to do 20oz. Laid on my right side to help facilitate the flush but ended up just making my right arm fall asleep, odd thing was the minute I woke up I had to go anyways due to the laxitive tea the night before. The salt water flush delayed my movements another half hour. I had 3 this morning all within about 30 minutes of each other. Thank god for Wet Wipes!

I ended up working from home since most of the stuff I needed to get done was via email and cell phone. Made about 48oz of the lemonade and damnit if it didnt taste pretty good. Reminded me of an ole Mexican favorite, the Vero Mango! After the first 16oz, I was over it and started thinking about real food. I think my mistake was not having more to do, keeping busy would have helped. I would have had the turkey breast on whole wheat, extra peppers, pickles, jalepenos and chipotle dressing at Subway today.

The rest of the day was spent watching the Go West 'King of Wishful Thinking' video on Youtube, that put a smile on my face and chatting on AIM with friends helped too. For the most part I feel pretty good. My tongue feels kind of gross, no tongue scraper can help it now. I was even thinking about playing some basketball! Too bad I did not have another bowel movement for the rest of the day, this was a disappointment as I hoped for some fiery hot turds.

Watched a whole lot of television, The Nanny, Mad About You, Roseanne, missed the Cosby Show, Hard Boiled, The Host and both Jason Bourne movies. I need to get some sun.

Let's see what happens on Day 2, I'm going into work for a few hours to take care of some things. I'll try to get the 32oz of the salt water flush down so I can really donkey punch the turds in my system. More manana.

Beefcake 3000 b/w I Do Want I Want

Cleansing Eve

I feel like a death row inmate about to meet my maker. I have to say that all this talk about the master cleanse last week did not make me nervous, nor did it over the weekend when I told my mom about it. With Wednesday approaching, I must say I feel pretty antsy. The same feeling you had before the first day of school when you were young. Perhaps it's doubt?

I had dreams last night about breaking my cleanse by accident while sleepwalking into the kitchen. I have since put away my wine and booze, pushed things back into the cupboards, even going as far as securing my cabinets so I don't accidently eat anything.

With that said, I went out like an absolute champ today.
Started off with my usual of Kashi and soy milk, some activia yogurt, orange juice and my smoothie concoction for a late morning snack. Sounds fairly healthy but proceeds to go downhill fast.

I basically had the 3 things I have on the regular. Pho, burritos and pizza. The only thing missing was the booze.

Lunch was at Pho Tau Bay aka Airport Pho aka LIQUID MOTHERFUCKING GOLD!!! My large bowl with rare steak, brisket and flank and a Viet-style iced coffee. I will miss this dearly.
Dinner ended up at La Victoria at 10pm, I would have wanted a better burrito but it is home of the orange sauce so it ended up being okay. Luckily having a slice of pizza from Pizza My Heart ended up being the perfect end to a great day. Like a dessert pie, a pizza pie with cheese and pepperoni. I will really miss eating.

Senna laxitive tea tonight and a salt water flush tomorrow morning.

Wish me luck.

My Mind On My Movements & My Movements On My Mind

It's about to go DOWN.

With my 28th born day approaching, what better time to detoxify?

For those who are unfamiliar with Stanley Burrough's Master Cleanse, check the links to the left for more information. In a nutshell, it's a whole lot of water, senna tea, salt water flushes, grade B maple syrup, lemons, cayenne pepper and 2-ply toilet paper. The thought of burning hot turds excites me. Turning my morning constitutionals into mid-morning, afternoon, dusk, evening and night time constitutionals.

After my sister told me about her very brief experience with the cleanse a few years back, i've been wildly curious with the idea of eliminating toxins. Imagine all the nitrates stored in my body from 27 years of eating bacon and other cured meats!

Straight up, my regularity defines me, one could say that I have an unhealthy fascination with bowel movements in general and for good reason! Why keep it inside when you can get it out? Anyways, a friend of a friend just completed an 11 day cleanse and it has given me the inspiration to start one myself. You can check out her experiences on her blog here.

I'll try to post daily with my experiences, mp3's that have gotten me through the hard times, movies I may be watching, actitivities I may engage in, books I may be reading, foods I wished I was eating and possibly pictures of my cleansing process! Hopefully, it'll inspire you to try it out too.